i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
only you would photoshop your dick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
