im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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