I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
