It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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