How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All I want is dick and wine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
