We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
