Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
