last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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