why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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