She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
