She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
