his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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