God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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