If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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