When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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