so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
