im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
