I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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