You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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