when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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