i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
