I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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