The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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