dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i out mim tonsoeep
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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