Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize