I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
