I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
