did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
