At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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