he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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