when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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