I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
