its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
