When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
