I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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