My first STD was from a foam party
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
