You really coming over, don't trick.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
