i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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