Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just cropdusted the office
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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