it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
