hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
