Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
