he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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