when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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