the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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