yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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