Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
