I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
