Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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