3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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