One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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