In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
