Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
