shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
