At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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