My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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