I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
