He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
