If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
