Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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